


Sorry

by SpyroForLife



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Apologies, M/M, PTSD, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4784603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyroForLife/pseuds/SpyroForLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper hasn't seen Bill in nearly six years, since the demon's last attempts at completing his horrific plan for Gravity Falls and the rest of the world. So when Bill shows up to speak to him, he is understandably terrified and angry. But the conversation ends up being one Dipper never expected, and by the end of it, he's willing to look at the other in a new light. This isn't really romantic, just platonic. Also has implications of BillFord. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry

Dipper didn't want to look at him. Didn't want to speak to him. Didn't even want to acknowledge the presence of the creature he had thought he saw the last of six years ago.

"Pine Tree-"

Fear shot through him like a bullet and he cringed, mentally berating himself for the reaction even as he yelled, "Don't call me that!" and whipped around to glare daggers at the triangular monster.

To his surprise, Bill looked surprised. Sad, even.

Dipper huffed and looked away, crossing his arms and hugging himself as he tried to calm down. "Please," he said in a softer tone.

Bill floated over to him, slowly moving around so Dipper could see him, and raised a hand. The human flinched.

"Can I touch you?" Bill asked.

Dipper eyed the hand nervously. "I... sure," he whispered, feeling helpless. He couldn't fight Bill. He had learned this long ago.

The demon's palm set gently on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Dipper sniffed and looked away, unable to make eye contact.

"It's been a long time," Bill said.

"Yeah, it has."

Bill gazed in another direction. "Doing okay?"

"I guess."

"Good. Hey, Dipper... I can tell you're really nervous about me being here. What's up?"

"What's up?" Dipper demanded. "What's up?! You're just gonna show up after years, after you tried to kill me last time you saw me, and just ask me what's up?!"

Bill let go of him to defensively hold up his hands. "Hey, it wasn't personal, kid! Just business! You lived didn't you!"

"I grew up with nightmares because of the things you did! I got insomnia!" Dipper grabbed his arms, shaking him. "After that summer I was diagnosed with fucking PTSD! Because of _you_!"

"I... I didn't realize-"

"Didn't realize what? That it tends to traumatize people when you forcibly possess them and torture their body? When you haunt their dreams and threaten them and try to bring about a literal apocalypse! You were the cause of so many panic attacks and you're too conceited to even notice what you've done to me!"

For once, Bill was silent. Then he spoke in a soft tone Dipper hadn't thought him capable of. "I've noticed. Even when my work was done, I never stopped watching the Pines. And I saw all the fear in your heart. I watched you wake up from these nightmares screaming, fighting to free yourself from the covers as though you were being grabbed by monsters. I know all about your PTSD, Dipper. And that's why I'm here."

"Why? Here to gloat? Here to make fun of me for it like everyone did back home? My own parents didn't believe what happened to me, they thought I was just having an active imagination again. Even when my therapist told them I had PTSD, they rolled their eyes and said something about coddling people. My own parents don't take it seriously, all because they don't believe I ever had to fight literal demons. Fight lots of other... geeze." He sniffed and wiped his eyes off. "Mabel is the only one who understands. She's the only one who doesn't mock me for it. Who doesn't say things like 'oh kids don't get PTSD he just wants attention' and 'what war did you fight in?' She gets it... but everyone else just makes it worse." Dipper had sunk onto the ground, sitting there with his arms around his knees, staring down.

Bill landed on the ground, standing next to him rather than hovering. He had said nothing the entire time Dipper had vented, and now reached out to him.

"Can I put my hand on your shoulder?" he asked.

Dipper gave a noncommittal nod, wondering why Bill was even bothering to ask for permission. The demon's hand touched him again. Respectful and gentle.

"I'm not here to make fun of you. I understand the effect I can have on people. I did some pretty intense things that most humans aren't used to. Your resulting mental state is entirely understandable. Honestly, the fact that you're even letting me touch you is incredible."

Dipper shrugged a shoulder. "You're gonna do what you want anyway..."

"No. I won't touch you if you don't want me to."

Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Why are you being so respectful all of a sudden?"

"Because I bear no ill will toward you for what happened. You were protecting the people you love and I can't fault you for that. You won the grand chess match and I am a graceful loser. And now I'm here to talk."

"About what?"

Bill continued holding his shoulder, but he reached up with his other hand, removing his hat and holding it over his heart. At least... the area under his eye where a heart probably would be if he had one. The demon was quiet for a few moments, then said, "I'm here to apologize."

Dipper stared at him. "Apologize? You... you've never-"

"I've been around for hundreds of thousands of years Dipper, I've certainly apologized for plenty of things throughout my long life. Look, I feel really bad about how our interactions have affected you. Your mind is full of so much terror and anxiety because of me. You're paranoid and you have panic attacks over memories of what I did. And I am genuinely sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like that."

Dipper just kept giving him a disbelieving expression. "Why do you care about me? I'm just one human. Out of many that you've probably traumatized. Why do I matter enough for you to apologize to me and not the others you've hurt?"

Bill sighed and placed his hat back on his head, and then took Dipper's hand in his. His palm was warm. The energy tingling against Dipper's skin. "Because I like you. I've always liked you, the Pines family has always intrigued me. And I don't think I've affected many as strongly as you without meaning to. I want you to be a friend."

"You said that to Ford, and look what you did to him," Dipper said bitterly.

"Ford was... an opportunity. I knew I could use him for my plans. Was it wrong to lie to him and take advantage of his intellect to get myself to reality? Of course! Do I care? Not at all. He's a great person. Very smart, very cute. I would love to spend time with him now, when things can be more personal. But he wants nothing to do with me. You know he loved me, right? He was enamored with me, was imagining us being so much, lifetime partners, sharing our intellect, he wanted nothing more than for me to join him in reality. Oh, the dreams he would have... But anyway. The betrayal hit hard. We can't go back to what we were. But I can save my relationship with you. I want us to be friends. So I am sorry for hurting you. For hurting those you're close to. It's... in my nature as a demon to do these things, but seeing your pain... I guess it touched that little bit of humanity that I have buried deep down inside." Bill stroked the back of Dipper's hand with his thumb. "Can you forgive me?"

Dipper looked away. "I'm not sure I can... not after what you did. You can apologize but it all still happened. The scars are still there."

"I understand. Just know that I regret hurting you. I'm sorry. I want us to be friends but... it won't bother me if you don't. I'm going to go. You know how to contact me if you want to talk." Bill let go of Dipper, turning to go. A strong hand grabbed his wrist.

"Wait." Dipper pulled him back around to face him. "I... I appreciate you talking to me about this. And... if you really do feel bad about it..." He chewed on his lip, then sighed, "I guess I could forgive you."

Bill blinked, then beamed in that strange mouthless fashion he had. "Oh, Dipper! Thank you! I promise to respect you from now on, and if I ever do anything that upsets you, don't hesitate to let me know!"

"Got it." Dipper slipped his hand down to hold Bill's. There was something oddly comfortable about the demon's touch. The sight of him made him nervous, yet the feel of him soothed his anxiety. Lulled his mind into peace. But he was a dream demon... it made sense that he had a calming presence. "First off... call me by my name. I don't want to hear the... the nickname anymore."

"Duly noted!"

"And... ask permission before touching me. Don't sneak up on me. I've had way too many nightmares about you, I have to get used to you slowly."

"Got it."

"Besides that, I dunno... it's so weird imagining us getting along."

"Not so weird, we have a lot in common. I think we could have some wonderful conversations with each other."

Dipper just looked at Bill's hand clasped in his, silently reaching up to cup it with his other hand. Bill went quiet too, just observing the human curiously. Dipper's eyes flicked to Bill's for a reaction, but the demon only seemed intrigued.

"Just give me a few minutes. I'm... getting used to looking at you. Trying not to panic at the sight, you know?"

Bill scoffed, looking mildly offended. But then he relaxed and shrugged. "Do whatever you need to, kid."

"Thank you." Dipper spent a while just examining Bill. Trying to see him in a friendlier light. This being instilled so much fear in him, but... he wasn't so bad. He looked pretty harmless. And as long as one didn't anger him or get in his way... he was harmless. Dipper began feeling down a slender arm, and then to Bill's face. The energy of his form buzzed underneath his fingertips, like hovering his fingers next to a TV screen.

After making sure Bill still didn't mind this examination, Dipper moved his hands down the demon's sides, and across his front to see if the lines on his body were actually grooves. They didn't seem to be indented. His entire form was fairly smooth.

The bowtie was made of fabric. Silky and perfectly holding its place. Interesting. Dipper finally pulled his hands away, swallowing. He still had no idea what Bill was truly made of. But he felt better after looking him over.

"Thank you," Dipper said.

"No problem, kid. Just tickled a bit."

"Do you have a sense of touch?"

"Kinda. Nowhere near as complex as a human's though. Kinda sucks, I'll admit. I can only experience all those sensations if I possess someone. Need to do that soon..."

"So you can't feel pain or pleasure like this? Hot and cold?"

"Nope. I can tell if someone is touching me. Can recognize texture. But that's about it. Not much more."

"Hm. So weird..." Dipper found that it was growing easier to talk to Bill. "What about smell? Taste?"

"In this form? Nope to both! Unnecessary. I can see and hear far beyond anything humans could dream of though. Into other dimensions, other times and places. And I have senses you couldn't even comprehend. So I don't mind being lacking in a couple. When I've possessed humans, I've gotten to experience them. Taste is pretty great. But I can do without."

Dipper nodded, reaching to take Bill's hand in his. It helped, touching him. Made him seem more real, like something he didn't need to be afraid of, rather than an enigmatic entity. Of course, he still was. But this took some of the mystery away.

They talked for what felt like a long time. Dipper eventually relaxed enough that he was smiling and even laughing at their discussions. Bill was very witty and playful and he loved it. And he wasn't saying anything cruel to him at all. It was as if they had never been enemies.

Eventually, Bill brought their conversation to a close, saying, "It's really getting to be time for you to wake up. But this has been a wonderful discussion. Thank you for giving me a chance."

"No problem." Dipper awkwardly stood back as Bill started to leave and allow him to wake up, but in a split second of decision, he took the other's hand. The winding of their fingers together had become natural by now. "Can I hug you?"

Bill gave him a surprised look. "You want to hug me?"

"I appreciate you for coming to talk to me, and just... want to thank you. And thanks to Mabel I'm a bit of a hugger. So..." Dipper gave him a sheepish smile. "Can I?"

Bill blinked, and then gave his own odd "smile", opening his arms. "Come 'ere, pal."

Dipper moved into his arms, embracing him. Bill was warm. He was very warm, seeming to radiate heat into his skin, like an asphalt road on a hot day. But it was comforting somehow. Dipper could feel the energy soaking right through to his core, and grinned, nuzzling the other.

Bill rested his arms around the other, stroking his back. Though he couldn't feel much, there was still something nice about being hugged like this. It made him feel appreciated in a way that terrorizing people couldn't quite match. Respect lost its appeal when it was out of fear. But when he was genuinely liked by someone, affection freely given... that made him feel good. It meant more.

Dipper stepped back, and Bill’s hands drifted down his arms before he let go of him. He ruffled the boy’s hair, and moved back with a wave. “Same time tonight?” he asked.

Dipper nodded and rubbed his arms, still feeling the ghost of Bill’s touch like static on his skin. “Sure,” he agreed.

Bill tipped his hat to him before disappearing in a flash, and Dipper closed his eyes as his surroundings dissolved. Then he was sitting up in bed, blinking and looking around his bedroom, currently filled with sunlight coming in through the window. He glanced over at his alarm clock and saw that it was after ten AM. He groaned and flopped back down. Thank God it was a Saturday.

After a few moments just laying there and reflecting on his dream, he got up and shuffled over to his desk, yawning as he started to turn on his laptop. It was at about that point that he saw the smudge of black on his palm, and turned it over. Written on his left hand was, “Have a great day, Dipper!” in messy scrawl. Followed by a small triangle. He smiled as he touched the words, and glanced up. He wasn’t sure if Bill was watching right now, but he said, “Thank you,” anyway, and as he returned his attention to his computer, could have sworn he heard a soft whisper in his head saying, “You’re welcome.”


End file.
